Choosing Is Hard

When my kids were little, we used to say that independent thought and free will were overrated.  When I played Sims, independent thought and free will were not overrated as my lovely Sim starved to death and burned down his house due to the fact that I was too busy with my real life to care for him.  Right now, I feel like independent thought and free will are way too much responsibility for one little human being to be in charge of.

We have the ability to choose, that and opposable thumbs leave us at the top of the food chain.  It's not always glamourous here at the top, but it's better than being plankton.  Right now, I am faced with three choices, that, each in its own right, are amazing.  I am so blessed and thankful that I have this dilemma when I know that there are many, many others out there that are in very different situations.  And, I am not whining or sniveling about having a choice; I'm whining and sniveling about making the choice.  Therein lies the issue.

I live in a time and place in history when I get to choose.  To stay home, or to work full time, or to go back to school.  When my daughter was born, I got to decide by myself (with my husband- really it was more just me deciding, but that's a whole other post) to stay home with her and be a mom.  It was interesting how people responded to my decision, my father was ecstatic that I was "doing what is right and not working"  -- thanks 1950's thinking dad-- what happened to "you can be whatever you want- even an astronaut!"?  Guess when you have a baby, your dad forgets that you wanted to be an astronaut. My friends said funny things like, "you won't get to eat out anymore", and "we'll miss you" and while we don't eat out as much anymore, and I don't see them as often as I did when I was 22, it's been fine and we've had a good time.  I feel lucky that I had the option to choose; my husband has a good job, and we made choices that made the big choice do-able.  Initially, the choice was strange, but after a couple of months it was normal and we stopped thinking about it.  Except for here and there as I would reflect on the choice and how either grateful or not grateful I was about the choice, depending on date, time, children's mood, etc.  So awesome is the free will thing.

Now, I am faced with 3 choices.  And, that's a little weird.  I started out this week just thinking about what I'd like to choose.  How this would be fun or that would work great and wouldn't this be awesome.    I was toying with ideas, choices, and began to commit to one.  Started to really sit with it and be comfortable, well, not really comfortable, but more aware of it.  And, I wasn't frightened completely by the prospect of making the choice.  Then, another choice popped up, as I was holding hands with the first choice, the second appears and waves me over for a look.  It's a good choice too, makes sense, is solid, well thought out, not bad.  Ugh.  So, me and the two choices are going to get coffee, so the two of them can make their pro and con lists, that's the best way to make a choice you know, weigh the pros and cons.  As we go into Starbucks, my cell phone rings and choice three is on the other end of the line presenting yet another fabulous opportunity.  Really, at this point we had to leave Starbucks, it was kind of late and I think sleeping will be an issue for me with out caffeine tonight.  I bid adieu to my first two choices, promising that I'd consider, mull, stress, and of course process all their good and not so good along with that of choice three.  And, so here I am.  Three choices, three great choices, each of them equally fabulous, interesting, challenging, and lucrative.  Each of them good and bad for me, each of them waiting to see what I choose.

The hard part is that I hope that I choose correctly.  How do you decide and then be happy with the decision?  Do you always wonder what if?  Do you look back and say if only?  I don't think so, because I have been able to make decisions before and not be all pollyanna about it later.  I got married, and based upon my dating history, that was a miraculous decision moment.  I kind of feel like I had help with that one, when I met my future husband, it made sense to me.  He was the right one and I made up my mind and that was that.  Maybe that's what's missing for me here.  While these are all great options, none are exactly right.  Or, I need more information to see which one is the right one.  But where do I find that out?  Ugh.  So trite of me to ask.  I have faith that the answer will arrive- I don't know when or how, but the choices showed up so I guess it stands to reason that the answer will too.  I just wonder how long I have to wait and I wonder if I'll recognize it when it arrives.  Probably, I bet it'll have a pro and con list for me.