Why So Busy?

You hear it all the time, "I'm just SO BUSY!" and you've probably said that yourself too. I say it, all the time. But, does it really mean that we're indeed just busy, or is what we're really saying something totally different-- I'm too busy to make an effort for you?

Honest, I have said "I'm too busy" in order to not have to say "I don't want to do that". It's what nice girls do. We are taught not to be rude, and being busy is a great way not to be rude-- until you're so busy that you are rude. And, I can be VERY busy if need be, say if there's a carpool to be driven, or if my kids want to go shopping, and I've even been too busy to attend volunteer meetings. I'm usually too busy to return phone calls and emails, dishes don't get done, and somehow, the pile of mail just keeps getting bigger and bigger...Like I said, I'm REALLY busy.

My sister-in-law is having a birthday. It's a big birthday, and since this is on the Internet, I won't tell you just how big it is, but suffice it to say, it's a doozy. We (I) wanted to do something over to top extravagant for this milestone, she balked at first and had to be talked into it. I persevered, and she relented and we began planning, a trip to Las Vegas, with two of her sisters. This is where it gets "busy". One has 3 teens and is understandably "busy". The other has one pre-teen, her own business, and is remodeling a house and is "VERY busy" all the time. We've spent about 6 weeks coordinating schedules and dates and times and etc. It's been an up hill battle. We go back and forth on where to go, what to do, how to get there, who's going, yada yada. We've hit a road block; I'm not sure we'll make it around it. Mostly there's been 3 of us planning. But, wait. I said there were 4 of us going. Ah, yes. The 4th one is too "busy" to contribute to planning, but she has opinions and thoughts that she passes through another, like an oracle, or the telephone game we played as kids. The message always got garbled, didn't it? And, the message is kind of garbled now as well, all except for the part that's not, the "I'm too busy for this" part.

Oh, wait. I said " I'm too busy for this" not just "I'm busy" didn't I? Hmmm... wonder why? Because, when we fly the "busy" flag, it can be mistaken for the "I don't have time for you" flag. And, that hurts. We accept it, don't we? We make excuses and we brush it aside. We cluck and nod and murmur, "I totally know, it's crazy here too." And, that's kind of my point. We're all busy. There's a song, "We're very very busy and we have a lot to do, and we haven't got a minute to explain it all to you" Kevin Klein sings it, it's hilarious. We're all busy, we only have 24 hours in a day and for crying out loud, we have to sleep. I firmly believe this, if it's important to you, you'll find a way to make it work. If' it's not, you'll just be really "busy".

So, there's the issue. Someone wants to go do something; someone is too busy, and the original someone feels unimportant. I'm sure that's not the intent, but it's the conclusion that is drawn. And, it leads to hurt feelings, resentment, defensiveness, and more hurt feelings. Instead of being "busy", be honest. "I don't want to drive carpool, I love the idea, but can't stand a car full of kids that aren't my own. I'll pay part for gas if you'll drive." "I'm not coming to the meeting today; the last one went so long, I didn't feel like it was productive." "I'm terrible about returning calls because it's easier to wait for you to call back." "Thank you for thinking of me- I'm so happy that you want to include me in your celebration, with everything that I have going on right now, I just can't make it work. I'm sorry and I hope you have a wonderful time." Painful? Kind of. Hard to say? Totally. Does it sting to hear it? Yup. And, it's nice to know if you should be "busy" the next time you're asked.